If You're Going Through Hell

I want to say something but I'm not sure what I want to say yet so bare with me while I stumble through.

Thanksgiving is a time to give thanks but I find myself reflecting on my adult life, short as it has been.

What have I learn in the past year or so of my adult life? Well, a lot of things. I've experienced love and bliss, sorrow and anguish...

"I've been deep down in that darkness, I've been down to my last match. Felt a hundred different demons breathin' fire down my back..."

You will hurt the people you're close to. That's a known fact. It's how you deal with it - the situation, the people, the hurt - afterwards that shows your true colors.

I must say things have been trying this past year. I know it's not quite time to reflect of the year's passing but I've been thinking about it so I figured I'd share.

When I started this blog, my hope was to give kids who had never been away from home a taste of what it's like to go off on your own for the first time. And the summary is, it's no picnic. You'll stumble and fall, bury yourself alive and dig a tunnel underground. You'll stop, you'll try to go back but the cave behind you has collapse and you have to move forward. You try to dig up but the earth falls on you. Then you finally pull an Uma Thurman and burst through the earth (see video at the bottom for reference) to find yourself in the middle of a desert. You stumble along for days with no food and no water seeing the horizon but never paradise.

But it's not all bad. You learn to find yourself along the way. You learn your strengths, weakness, limits and triumphs. You discover likes and dislikes and every once in a while somebody comes through your tunnel with a flashlight or rides by on a camel and offers you some water and a helping hand. And for when there's nobody there, you learn to rest a while and regain your strength. Because life's a journey and it was never meant to be easy.

This was found in my Papa's papa's wallet after he passed away.

There are some many things I wish I could have said or done differently this year. It would have saved a lot of hurt...on all sides. But you can't change the past and, even if you could, I wouldn't want to. Sometimes the only way you learn is by doing. It's better when you can learn from others pitfalls but sometimes you just have to experience them yourself before you finally learn.

And for what it's worth, I have found so much joy and comfort in knowing God will always be there for me. Always. Whenever I have a worry or a care, whenever I text someone and they don't reply, when I feel alone and scared, I go to God. I know there are some out there who don't believe in Him. But consider this. Isn't it comforting to know someone is always and will always be there for you? That they will love you unconditionally til the end of time and BEYOND. I don't know about you but I couldn't do it and we should put our faith in other humans to do it either. When you rely solely on people, you will be disappointed. Put your faith in God, He won't disappoint.

"I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete."
~John 15:11

The context of the above verse is powerful too.